I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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