i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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