she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
