Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
