Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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