Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
