Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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