help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
