This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
