Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
