For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
