i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
