break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
