The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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