I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
