If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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