it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
