spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She's not a foreskin expert like you
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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