she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Blood and glitter go together right?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
