U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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