well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
