During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
