so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
