You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
