Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
