i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
