The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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