then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
