A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
