Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
