From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
