I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
