Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
