He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
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