Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize