y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
