best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
