I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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