Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
