Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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