I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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