I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
