We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
