There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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