Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
