I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
