I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Randomize
