I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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