I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
