Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just want to make out with him forever
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
