Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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