we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
