I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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