While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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