i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
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So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
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The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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