Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
