So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
