she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize