i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
