i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You ruined the universe
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
