it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
