the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
