I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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