dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Pants are for mortals
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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