Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
