Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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